It’s ok to let your mind be free
I use to HATE the quiet because for some reason it was to loud. Let me give you more context, being alone and not hearing anything made my mind wonder too much. This made me feel very uncomfortable and afraid of how deep and dark my mind could really get. This feeling came from pain that I chose to mask. Being in silence allowed my mind to re-open old wounds and I felt like I wasn’t ready to come to terms with what I been through. It’s so crazy because people love my company but I couldn’t stand to be alone.
What are you afraid of?
Your mental health is very important. I’m afraid that I will allow my mind to think about past trauma and I won’t be able to cope. I will be lost and too embarrassed to ask for help. If the past is gone then why does my mind often revisit it? I’m afraid that there are things in my past that can break me, hurt me and destroy the person I’ve become. I must protect myself from getting hurt again. I’m afraid of being alone in silence because that will only allow me to think, and thinking leads to unwanted adventures.
What about healing?
I need to overcome my fear of silence. I need to sit in silence and allow my thoughts to take me somewhere so I can address my past and feel safe doing it. I’m scared of being too vulnerable or seeking answers to questions I will never find . However , I’m hurt and I think the only person who can help start my healing journey is me. I need to enjoy my company again … I need to stop being so afraid. I need to heal and stop being afraid of the only thing that can help me. I need my heart and my mental health to come together again.
I need support
So here I am trying to figure out how I can be alone but I still need someone with me? I need to reach out to someone I trust to support me with what I’m going through. I hate reaching out to people because they always try to say the “right” thing and end up saying the wrong thing. I have to many expectations on the right way to help me but I don’t even know how that looks and feels like for myself. It’s almost like I want support but I don’t need actionable help … to be honest I don’t even need someone to talk to me because the right words will never come out. So what exactly do I need? I need a spiritual connection, I need a vibe, I need physical and spiritual presence, I need hope, I need healing, I need to accept the fact that I can’t change the past.
I need someone (even if it’s myself) to sit in silence and allow my mind to be free. You don’t have to be alone, get support and love your company. Promote healing in your mind, body and soul. It’s ok to be vulnerable, it’s ok to feel pain ….. You’ll be ok ….not always…..but you’ll be ok.
So I decided to really come to terms with this heartfelt conclusion and I’d like to share a poem to express how I felt.
Sit with me in silence